I'm Back At It!

(This app, which is on my Galaxy tablet, is called Cleantime Counter, available on Google Play)

Okay, so I'm back on the journal wagon. I figured I should probably listen to my sponsor, but hand writing my journal entries was taking WAY too long, and it was getting very discouraging. I simply don't have the time to write in a journal for hours on end. I thought that maybe, since I type 60 WPM, I would be able to actually keep one this time.

After falling off of the wagon and into my two-day binge on May 30th-31st, I picked up my second white chip. The support I received when I stood up, face puffy and tears rolling steadily down my cheeks, was completely overwhelming. So many people clapped for me, even CONGRATULATED me for coming back and having the courage to start over and give myself back to the program. I never would have thought about my failure in a positive light if it wasn't for everyone in the AA group.

I'm on day seven of my sobriety. Longest seven days of my life, it seems. Best seven days, though. I've enjoyed all of the meetings that I've been to. I feel utterly and completely accepted. I'm so comfortable with everyone in the group. I vented a couple of weeks ago, told my story, sort of. That was the night that I went to my first step study meeting, where, ironically, they were studying the 2nd step, the step I was on. That meeting, I knew that the reason I was there was because God needed me to see Him in the way that I was supposed to. I got past the 2nd step that night.

I'm on the 3rd step now. I want so badly to give my life over to God and believe that he can heal me, but it's SO hard!! I'm still working on it.... I've had a sponsor for a week now, and the only thing she's told me to do is to keep a journal. I don't feel like I have a sponsor much anymore past the first day, when I texted her like 8 times. I hear stories about other people's sponsors telling them to do all this stuff and making all these rules and here I am, doing nothing. No steps advice, no redirection to Big Book pages to help, no rules, no advice. I think I need a new one. I mean, I love B to death, but she's mothering, when I need teaching.

I can't wait to go to my next meeting. I'm going Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays starting this Wednesday. It's going to be a LOOOONG 6 days...