21 Days Sober

I'm 21 days sober now. I have a sponsor, grand-sponsor, a guy who teaches me something new every time I see him at meetings, and many amazing AA friends. Why do I feel so lonely? I will admit, as wrong as it probably is, I have a crush on 2 of the guys in my AA group.... Even if they WERE into me, we're not supposed to date for the first year of sobriety, and I don't think either one of them are close to that....

I'm exhausted. I got new AA books, been to 4 meetings a week, trying to learn tons of BB stuff, have my 3rd step baptism Sunday, and my 30 days is coming up. This sobriety is a lot more work than I thought it would be. I mean, how hard is it just to not drink? But no, abstinence and sobriety are two different things.

I switched from Prozac to Effexor (I've taken 2 days worth so far), and as far as attitude goes, I feel pretty good 85%  of the day. My body/mind still want to go into hibernation or pity party mode occasionally, but I have a lot more energy. The side effects so far are odd, though. Excessive sweating, going from not hungry (and mildly nauseous) to ravenous, getting goosebumps a lot, minor muscle spasms, being jittery (though the amount of coffee I'm consuming may play a large role in that), and yawning. Overall, though, I'd rather feel these side effects than the emptiness that I felt before. We'll see how I feel in two weeks.

Brought my daughter to a meeting tonight. C's kids were there, too, so she had them and the tab to play with. She ended up not being in the meeting room more than 2 minutes, and not at all during the actual meeting. Everyone loved her. She loved the attention - and the cookies. I want to bring her when I pick up my 30 day chip, but it's not going to be a regular thing.

I'm planning on dropping a class that I'm taking. Mom is going to be angry but I don't care. I know how much I can handle, and taking on the kids, the cleaning, the AA thing, and three summer-speed DESIGN classes is going to kill me. Mom doesn't know, but I already have to take 1 spring class since I couldn't afford to take 4 this summer (thank God for that...), so what's one more? And I'll be graduating with everyone else. I hope she doesn't get too mad....

Sobriety needs to be my number 1 priority right now, because if I can't stay sober, I sure as hell am not going to be able to pass my classes, clean up well, or care for my kids.